Talk to yourself like you would talk to someone you love!

Write down one thing you love about yourself and then speak it out loud to someone you know. When you hear this statement, what do you feel? Do you immediately know what you love about yourself and can put it down on paper? Or do you feel panicked and not know what to write down? This month at the office we had a board up asking patients to write one thing down about themselves that they loved. About 90% of our patients got overwhelmed and had to sit and think about something they loved about themselves. Several even panicked a little bit and didn’t want to do it. I won’t lie, I even had to think about it for a while and I hate to admit that. We did have a few patients that walked right up to that board and knew exactly what they were going to say. They are amazing unicorns and I love that they have no question about who they are. This small gesture that we did in our office turned into something bigger than we ever imagined.

When talking about self-compassion, we must define it. According to Kristin Neff, an Associate Professor of Human Development and Culture who has spent years researching self-compassion, says that compassion involves sensitivity to suffering, coupled with a deep desire to alleviate that suffering. This means opening one’s awareness to the pain of others, without avoiding or disconnecting from it, allowing feelings of kindness towards others and a desire to ameliorate their suffering to emerge. (Neff, 2017) Self-compassion means that we simply turn our compassion inwards. She says that we need to be open to one’s suffering, not disconnected or avoiding it. But, how often do we really do that? On her website, she says that self-compassion is composed of three things:

Self-Kindness vs. Self-Judgement
Common humanity vs. Isolation
Mindfulness vs. Over-Identification

When we feel inadequate or feel like we are failing, do we judge and criticize ourselves or do we show ourselves kindness like we would give to others? There is research that shows that when we even just think a positive thought, it releases serotonin in our brain. Serotonin is a neurotransmitter that gives us happy, calm, and more focused state.

The next step to self-compassion is common humanity. When we are going through a struggle we can sometimes feel like we are the only ones going through it and forget that as humans we all struggle. When we realize that we aren’t ‘alone’ in the suffering, we can give ourselves grace and see that it is a part of a shared human experience. This is why we preach community to our patients. When we have a tribe of people around us sharing the struggle, we can get through it so much easier than going at it alone.

The last step is mindfulness. Mindfulness is a non-judgmental, receptive mind state that observes thoughts and feelings as they are. When we are mindful that we are wired for negative thoughts, we can turn those thoughts into positivity and again enter into a peaceful state. Always looking at the negative aspects of events will bring you into a lower state of mind. Awareness of this can uplift your soul and change the outlook of everything around you.

So, let me ask you this again. Write down one thing you love about yourself and then speak it out loud to someone you know. With self-compassion in mind, can you think of something without judgement that you can love about yourself? Ponder this question. Meditate or pray about it over the next couple of days. Challenge yourself to try it and speak it out loud to a trusted friend or family member. When we give ourselves the compassion we give to others, we are one more step on our journey to LIVE FREE. —Dr. Crystal

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Neff, K. D. & Germer, C. (2017). Self-Compassion and Psychological Wellbeing. In J. Doty (Ed.) Oxford Handbook of Compassion Science, Chap. 27. Oxford University PressNeff, K. D. & Germer, C. (2017). Self-Compassion and Psychological Wellbeing. In J. Doty (Ed.) Oxford Handbook of Compassion Science, Chap. 27. Oxford University Press

SELF-COMPASSION/SELF-LOVE